Nature photography, political rants, and Martyman laughs from the ten-time award-winning author of "Cool Creatures, Hot Planet," "Endangered Edens," and "Time Is Irreverent."

Posts tagged Donald Trump

Trump and the GOP got their asses kicked

Trump and the GOP got their asses kicked

When you hear Donald Trump and the Republican Cult claim the Blue Wave didn’t happen, keep these figures in mind: Total Republican votes for House: 48,370,608 Total Democratic votes for House: 53,305,729 Total Republican votes for Senate: 34,260,424 Total Democratic votes for Senate: 47,886,605 Total Republican votes for Governor: 41,331,517 Total Democratic votes for Governor: […]

What does Donald Trump want more than (almost) anything?

What does Donald Trump want more than (almost) anything?

Marty’s photo of the day #2708: There’s only one thing Tiny Trump wants more than dating Ivanka Trump, being best buddies with Kim Jong-un, golden showering with Vladimir Putin, and making women and minorities second class citizens—that’s defeating Montana’s Democratic Senator Jon Tester. Okay, maybe he wants to date Ivanka and shower with Vladimir a […]

The woman who will defeat the Body Slammer

The woman who will defeat the Body Slammer

This is me with Montana’s Democratic candidate for Congress, Kathleen Williams. For those of you who don’t know, Montana only gets one congress person, so winning the congressional race here is a big deal. You may remember two weeks ago, Donald Trump made international news when he praised Republican congressman Greg Gianforte for criminally body […]

Trump’s Tester vendetta

Trump’s Tester vendetta

Donald Trump’s vendetta to defeat Senator Jon Tester continues today. This will be Trump’s fourth Montana visit (in addition to him sending Mike Pence here three times and Donald Trump Jr. more times than can be counted). Because of his desperation for revenge and to show he can influence Montanans, Trump gets more and more […]

What really concerns Donald Trump

What really concerns Donald Trump

Here’s what really concerns Tiny Trump’s psychopathic brain the most about the MAGA Bomber and the Tree of Life Synagogue Mass Shooter. Thursday night he said, “Now, we did have two maniacs stop a momentum that was incredible, because for seven days nobody talked about the elections. It stopped a tremendous momentum.” Upon hearing Tiny […]

Occam’s razor solves the pipe bomb case!

Occam’s razor solves the pipe bomb case!

While the FBI tries to figure out who mailed the pipe bombs to Democrats, I will solve the case for them, using Occam’s razor (when presented with competing hypotheses to solve a problem, one should select the solution with the fewest assumptions).   Let’s examine the obvious clues:   1) The recipients were on Donald […]

What republicans mean by “unity”

What republicans mean by “unity”

On the heels of pipe bombs sent to prominent liberals, Donald Trump feigned outrage and called for national unity. Then, after realizing he let down his cult, he tweeted, “A very big part of the Anger we see today in our society is caused by the purposely false and inaccurate reporting of the Mainstream Media […]

Traitors to their own.

Traitors to their own.

An article in today’s Missoulian features the president of the Lewis & Clark Republican Women’s club all giddy because the Matt Kavanaugh hearing invigorated her cult. Yes, the club’s membership of creepy white women has actually grown. How sad that Christine Blasey Ford—terrified but brave, forced out of her house because of death threats, and […]

Martyman plays for Melania Trump

Martyman plays for Melania Trump

Upon hearing Melania Trump claim, “I’m the most bullied person on the world,” Martyman decided to get out the world’s smallest violin to play the world’s saddest song on her behalf. Either that or he just finished reading Stormy Daniels’ book and is trying to visualize Donald Trump’s Mushroom Mario Kart. I’m not sure which.

Brett Kavanaugh please report to . . .

Brett Kavanaugh please report to . . .

“On behalf of our nation, I would like to apologize to Brett and his family for the terrible pain and suffering that you have been forced to endure.” —Donald Treason Trump (at Brett Blackout Kavanaugh ceremonial swearing-in) “On behalf of our 65,844,954 sane American voters, I would like to apologize to the rest of the […]

Trump’s most famous campaign quote adjusted for accuracy

Trump’s most famous campaign quote adjusted for accuracy

As a public service, I have adjusted Donald Trump’s most famous campaign quote for accuracy. Now it makes much more sense: “When my administration sends its people, we’re not sending our best. We’re not sending you. We’re not sending you. We’re sending people that have lots of problems, and we’re bringing those problems with us. […]

Your weekend Trump update

Your weekend Trump update

If you’re like me, you start each morning with a quick check of the news to see if you’ve been having a long bad dream and that Donald Trump is still just a game show host. Unfortunately it’s not a dream. But if you’d like to get an early start on the weekend, here’s a […]

Donald Trump to require Canada goose documentation

Donald Trump to require Canada goose documentation

Marty’s photo of the day #2638: So far Donald Trump hasn’t figured out how to put a tariff on Canada geese, but he recently tweeted: “No Canada goose will be allowed in Amerika without dumantasion. They’re spying for Canada. They’re eating our fish. They’re Amerikan eagle RAPISTS. And some, I assume, are good burds. Secratay […]

“I have the best people.”

“I have the best people.”

With Michael Cohen’s guilty plea and Paul Manafort’s guilty verdicts today, let’s reminisce about three of Donald Trump’s most memorable campaign promises: “I have the best people.” “I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.” “Look at those hands. Are […]

Pat Robertson had a dream. So did I.

Pat Robertson had a dream. So did I.

“God came to me in a dream last night and showed me the future. He took me to heaven, and I saw Donald Trump seated at the right hand of our Lord.”—Pat Robertson “What a coincidence! Satan came to me in a dream last night and showed me the future. He took me to hottest […]

Democrats and Republicans are not the same!

Democrats and Republicans are not the same!

Anyone who thinks there is no difference between Democrats and Republicans is simply not paying attention. It was that kind of thinking that got both Donald Trump and George W. Bush elected—the two worst presidents in American history. If it wasn’t for Ralph Nader siphoning off votes, Bush would have lost to Al Gore. If […]

Republican Jesus and the blame game

Republican Jesus and the blame game

Hi! Republican Jesus here. I just want to tell all you liberals out there to stop the Capital Gazette shooting blame game. Just because Saint Donny has proclaimed mainstream media the “enemy of the American People” and rails about them on Twitter and at his MAGA ego-enhancement rallies, it does not mean that he is […]

“Oh, yeah? You can’t make me not buy it!”

“Oh, yeah? You can’t make me not buy it!”

Despite quite literally putting a warning on both the Amazon and Goodreads pages for my science-fiction political-comedy, Time Is Irreverent, conservatives keep buying it and are then surprised when they hate it. I should have thought of this marketing tactic years ago: Tell someone not to buy your book and they go, “Oh, yeah? You […]

Bizarre encounters with cops

Bizarre encounters with cops

I understand that there are dedicated, ethical cops out there. Nevertheless, I’ve had some bizarre encounters with cops over the years: When I ran the Bitterroot Baseball League and managed one of the teams, a cop who was on my team called me drunk one night and tried to intimidate me because I didn’t give […]

Who is the evil genius?

Who is the evil genius?

Every arch-criminal organization has an evil genius, but finding one in the Trump Administration is difficult: Donald Trump: Evil, but too incompetent to out-perform a lab rat in a simple test. Mike Pence: Evil yes, but how smart do you have to be when after each dastardly deed you simply say, “Jesus personally told me […]

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