Nature photography, political rants, and Martyman laughs from the ten-time award-winning author of "Cool Creatures, Hot Planet," "Endangered Edens," and "Time Is Irreverent."

Posts in category General Rants

Mourning our country’s screwed up priorities

Mourning our country’s screwed up priorities

Today is a National Day of Mourning for President George H.W. Bush. The US Postal Service is closed, federal offices are closed, some banks are closed, and even some schools are closed. This may get me in trouble, but I just can’t mourn the death of someone who lived to be 94, had an estimated […]

A Christmas message from the Republican Jesus

A Christmas message from the Republican Jesus

Hey conservatives! Republican Jesus here. With Christmas on the way, and the possibility that you might meet a heathen, a gay, a lesbian, or an environmentalist, I want to remind you to stick to your G.O.D.S. (Yes, plural, just like it is in Genesis until we changed our minds and settled on the one god […]

Trump and the GOP got their asses kicked

Trump and the GOP got their asses kicked

When you hear Donald Trump and the Republican Cult claim the Blue Wave didn’t happen, keep these figures in mind: Total Republican votes for House: 48,370,608 Total Democratic votes for House: 53,305,729 Total Republican votes for Senate: 34,260,424 Total Democratic votes for Senate: 47,886,605 Total Republican votes for Governor: 41,331,517 Total Democratic votes for Governor: […]

Back to normal in the good old USA!

Back to normal in the good old USA!

I woke up thinking, now that all the election craziness is over, it will be nice to get back to normal for a while. I went on my morning bike ride, settled into my writing room, booted up my laptop, checked my emails, checked my overnight book sales, and maneuvered over to Huff Post. Greeting […]

What does Donald Trump want more than (almost) anything?

What does Donald Trump want more than (almost) anything?

Marty’s photo of the day #2708: There’s only one thing Tiny Trump wants more than dating Ivanka Trump, being best buddies with Kim Jong-un, golden showering with Vladimir Putin, and making women and minorities second class citizens—that’s defeating Montana’s Democratic Senator Jon Tester. Okay, maybe he wants to date Ivanka and shower with Vladimir a […]

Trump’s Tester vendetta

Trump’s Tester vendetta

Donald Trump’s vendetta to defeat Senator Jon Tester continues today. This will be Trump’s fourth Montana visit (in addition to him sending Mike Pence here three times and Donald Trump Jr. more times than can be counted). Because of his desperation for revenge and to show he can influence Montanans, Trump gets more and more […]

Tiny Donald Trump and his childish vendetta

Tiny Donald Trump and his childish vendetta

Tiny Trump* is coming to Montana for the fourth time to campaign against Senator Jon Tester. Only two weeks ago, he was in Missoula; now he’s going to Bozeman. Additionally, he’s sent Mike Pence here twice and Tiny Trump Jr. has practically lived in Montana for the last several months. Montana is a sparsely populated […]

Occam’s razor solves the pipe bomb case!

Occam’s razor solves the pipe bomb case!

While the FBI tries to figure out who mailed the pipe bombs to Democrats, I will solve the case for them, using Occam’s razor (when presented with competing hypotheses to solve a problem, one should select the solution with the fewest assumptions).   Let’s examine the obvious clues:   1) The recipients were on Donald […]

What republicans mean by “unity”

What republicans mean by “unity”

On the heels of pipe bombs sent to prominent liberals, Donald Trump feigned outrage and called for national unity. Then, after realizing he let down his cult, he tweeted, “A very big part of the Anger we see today in our society is caused by the purposely false and inaccurate reporting of the Mainstream Media […]

Traitors to their own.

Traitors to their own.

An article in today’s Missoulian features the president of the Lewis & Clark Republican Women’s club all giddy because the Matt Kavanaugh hearing invigorated her cult. Yes, the club’s membership of creepy white women has actually grown. How sad that Christine Blasey Ford—terrified but brave, forced out of her house because of death threats, and […]

Brett Kavanaugh please report to . . .

Brett Kavanaugh please report to . . .

“On behalf of our nation, I would like to apologize to Brett and his family for the terrible pain and suffering that you have been forced to endure.” —Donald Treason Trump (at Brett Blackout Kavanaugh ceremonial swearing-in) “On behalf of our 65,844,954 sane American voters, I would like to apologize to the rest of the […]

Republicans are the definition of hypocrisy

Republicans are the definition of hypocrisy

Definition of hypocrisy: Republicans refusing to hold confirmation hearings for Supreme Court justice nominee Merrick Garland and ultimately keeping the court seat vacant for 422 days; then having a whiny temper tantrum about a short delay in the appointment of sexual predator, mean drunk, multiple perjurer, cultist nominee, Brett Kavanaugh, while one of his victims […]

Republicans fearmonger socialism

Republicans fearmonger socialism

One thing amazing about the Republican Cult is how easily they are able to get everyone in line for something to be scared about. Last election it was brown people, and the result was Treason Trump—“anointed by God.” This election it’s socialism, and they have made Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez their “monster” to be afraid of. With […]

“I have the best people.”

“I have the best people.”

With Michael Cohen’s guilty plea and Paul Manafort’s guilty verdicts today, let’s reminisce about three of Donald Trump’s most memorable campaign promises: “I have the best people.” “I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.” “Look at those hands. Are […]

GOP thoughts and prayers

GOP thoughts and prayers

Marty’s photo of the day #2608: So far this year, 8,284 people have died via gun shots in the United States, and not a single person has risen from the dead after Republican thoughts and prayers. Frustrated by the lack of results, the Republican Party has added Herbie the Agile Wallaby to their post-shooting thoughts […]

The Republicans actually raffled this off

The Republicans actually raffled this off

Marty’s photo of the day #2591: Yesterday I went to the Farmer’s Market and stopped at the Ravalli County Republican Central Committee booth to photograph the assault rifle they were raffling off. I approached as if I were one of their cult, and even got this lady to hold up the gun for me. I’m […]

From North America’s beacon of freedom on Independence Day

From North America’s beacon of freedom on Independence Day

Marty’s photo of the day #2588: With today being Independence Day, Americans turn to thoughts of freedom: freedom of the press, freedom to not be shot, freedom from being embarrassed by the head of your country, freedom from misspelled presidential tweets, freedom to believe in science, freedom from Putin, freedom from the cone of silence, […]

Democrats and Republicans are not the same!

Democrats and Republicans are not the same!

Anyone who thinks there is no difference between Democrats and Republicans is simply not paying attention. It was that kind of thinking that got both Donald Trump and George W. Bush elected—the two worst presidents in American history. If it wasn’t for Ralph Nader siphoning off votes, Bush would have lost to Al Gore. If […]

Republican Jesus and the blame game

Republican Jesus and the blame game

Hi! Republican Jesus here. I just want to tell all you liberals out there to stop the Capital Gazette shooting blame game. Just because Saint Donny has proclaimed mainstream media the “enemy of the American People” and rails about them on Twitter and at his MAGA ego-enhancement rallies, it does not mean that he is […]

Republicans are obsessed with hating Hillary Clinton

Republicans are obsessed with hating Hillary Clinton

One thing I find disturbing about Republicans is how they can’t let their hate for Hillary Clinton go away. Think about it: After Barack Obama beat John McCain and Mitt Romney, liberals basically forgot about the two defeated Republicans and moved on. But since Republicans apparently believe that hate is a Christian value, they just […]

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