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This morning I was reading about the Apollo 11 moon landing and how Richard Nixon had wanted to have dinner with the astronauts before lift-off (an event canceled because of worries that the president could expose the astronauts to unwanted germs). That story led me to imagine what Donald KKKlueless would have done if he […]
If you follow the adventures of Martyman, you know he’s the most well-read action figure in America. It’s one of his superpowers. This morning he was up early, reading the news, and learned that Donald Trump had told congresswomen Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib to go back to where they came from. That got the […]
“See, I don’t think that the mainstream media is free speech either because it’s so crooked. It’s so dishonest. So to me, free speech is not when you see something good and then you purposely write bad. To me, that’s very dangerous speech, and you become angry at it. But that’s not free speech.”\—Führer Trump […]
Marty’s photo of the day #2937: Marty: “Look. It’s an Aussie fangs-o-death!” Deb: “Wow! She’s almost as big as my hand.” Marty: “Great idea! Put your hand behind her for size-comparison.” Deb: “Like this?” Marty: “No. Closer.” Deb: “Like this?” Marty: “Still not close enough.” Deb: (takes a deep breath) “How’s this?” Marty: (smirks) “Just […]
I began working at radio stations at the age of 13 and became a talent manager at the age of 21, so music has always been a big part of my life. Consequently, I rarely miss a music-oriented movie. In the past year I’ve seen the remake of A Star is Born, Bohemian Rhapsody, and […]
Marty’s photo of the day #2923: Happy Father’s Day! One thing about penguins is that you can’t easily tell their sex by looks or behavior. Is this really a daddy penguin feeding his chick? Or is it a mommy penguin feeding her chick? I could use this same photo to wish people a Happy Mother’s […]
After I wrote Cool Creatures, Hot Planet: Exploring the Seven Continents and turned it into a college show, I realized that I was getting a bit heavy in my face. Since I’ve been a talent agent most of my life, and I was now agenting myself, I followed the advice I would give to any […]
Marty’s photo of the day #2915: Every country has its unique problems. In America, it’s a cult leader president with a narcissistic personality disorder, gun fetishes, and the fear of assertive women; and in Australia it’s wallabies insisting on a pool-water chaser after drinking their bottle of wine.
There are many similarities between Donald Trump and evil dictators. I noticed one this week, when reports surfaced that Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un of North Korea had his special envoy to the United States, Kim Hyok Chol, executed because of last February’s failed summit with Trump. Coincidentally, White House staffers made sure the warship USS […]
When I woke up this morning Martyman and Mr. Trump Head were missing. I thought for sure that Martyman had taken Mr. Trump Head outside for some sick joke, like placing him under the tree where the wild turkeys roost each night. Then I heard this high pitched whine coming out of the bathroom. I […]
My train of thought: When I first learned that actress Alyssa Milano was calling for a sex strike to protest the strict abortion bans passed by Republican-controlled legislatures, I thought, “Hey, great idea!” Then I thought: Such a strike would only affect liberal men like me, who respect a woman’s right to make choices for […]
When I published Time Is Irreverent, conservative Christian Republicans were furious with how I depicted them. Hell, I even suggested that the theocracy coming out of the reign of “President Handley” would advocate shooting brown people crossing the border from Mexico. Then, last night, while Donald Trump was whining at a rally about brown people […]
Marty’s photo of the day #2871: I dedicate today’s photo to Wanda LaCroix. She lives in Grecia, Costa Rica, and on February 1st I mailed her a copy of my new novel, “Time Is Irreverent 2: Jesus Christ, Not Again!” According to USPS tracking, the book traveled from Victor, Montana to Missoula to San Francisco […]
Today is National Beer Day, and Martyman and his little cowfriend, Brett Calve-in-naugh, intend to celebrate the day to its fullest. I’m not sure why Martyman enjoys hanging around with Brett Calve-in-naugh so much. All the cow does is moo and proclaim over-and-over in a whiny voice, “I drank beer with my friends. Almost everyone […]
Aah. . . . Martyman is being nice and cutting banana bread for himself and the Republican Jesus. Oh, wait! He knows the Republican Jesus won’t drop his guns, unless someone pries them from his cold, dead hands. With the Republican Jesus unable to hold any food, Martyman will get both pieces. Well played, Martyman! […]
This week’s Mueller Investigation events, as interpreted by Marty Essen: 1) Robert Mueller presents his report to Trump’s toady, William Barr. 2) Attorney General Toady takes the extensive Mueller report, ignores what might hurt Crybaby Trump, creates a four-page summary that the Crybaby and his cult can campaign on, and presents it to the House […]
Marty’s photo of the day #2831: I bet you’ve always wondered. Where do plungers come from? I solved that mystery when I found them growing in the rainforest of Costa Rica.
