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Marty’s photo of the day #4595: My dad, Paul W. Essen, died twelve years ago this week. As anyone who has read my book Hits, Heathens, and Hippos: Stories from an Agent, Activist, and Adventurer knows, my father was a born again Christian to the extreme. In fact, he even believed his god wanted him […]
Goodbye Pat Robertson! I didn’t know you personally, but you certainly affected my life. Because of you—and snake oil salesmen like you—my father was so brainwashed that he once wasted multiple years of his life calling every number in the Crestview, Florida phonebook to tell whoever answered, “Jesus loves you.” Because of the likes of […]
Marty’s photo of the day #4382: Alligators have remained virtually untouched by evolution for more than 8 million years, which is something that is, obviously, unimpressive to Ron DeSantis, Florida’s Republican Party, and more than half of the state’s voting population. For they have perfected the art of regressing an entire society to where not […]
Marty’s photo of the day #4327: Alligators—becoming the most advanced species in Florida by default.
Marty’s photo of the day #4321: Don’t look Florida! This is “Hercules and the Centaur Nessus,” a marble statue by the Flemish-Italian artist Giambologna. He created it between 1595 and 1599 out of a single block of marble. Can you imagine how long it took to carve Hercules’s penis? Tap just a little too hard […]
Marty’s photo of the day #4315: Every time I get embarrassed about living in the backward state of Montana, some other primitive state, such as Idaho, Wyoming, Utah, Mississippi, or Florida reminds me, “Hey, it could be worse.” I’m sure many of you saw the story about the Florida principal who got fired for allowing […]
Marty’s photo of the day #3703: I love alligators and hope to return to the Everglades in the future to spend more time with them. Hey, at this moment spending time with a Florida alligator is a hell of a lot safer than spending time with a Florida anti-vaxxer.
Montana is a great place to live if you enjoy wilderness and wildlife, but it’s a scary place to live if you enjoy science and human rights. This is especially the case now that Republicans dominate the legislature and state-wide offices. Not to be outdone by Florida or Texas for crazy-ass shit, Montana is now […]
Marty’s photo of the day #3463: I enjoy photographing butterflies. They’re a challenge to photograph, but with patience one can usually be successful. This is a viceroy butterfly, which is a mimic of the monarch butterfly. (Photographed in Florida)
Marty’s photo of the day #3241: This is a gopher tortoise, hanging out in his Florida burrow. “Don’t worry little guy! This will all be over soon. . . . Like on November 3rd.”
Marty’s photo of the day #2703: “I’m tellin’ ya. A blue wave is coming through here in less than a week. Just be patient. In its wake, we’ll have all the rotten right-wing we can eat!” (Black vultures, photographed in Florida)
While the FBI tries to figure out who mailed the pipe bombs to Democrats, I will solve the case for them, using Occam’s razor (when presented with competing hypotheses to solve a problem, one should select the solution with the fewest assumptions). Let’s examine the obvious clues: 1) The recipients were on Donald […]
Marty’s photo of the day #2485: Little did the tortoise know: the hare had passed the finish line hours ago. (Gopher tortoise, photographed in Florida)
Marty’s photo of the day #2207: “The orange lunatic is STILL president? Let me know when it’s safe to come out.” (Gopher tortoise, photographed in Florida)
Marty’s photo of the day #2146: If you remember where we left off yesterday, Martyman had taken a terrible fall and broken off both of his legs. Fortunately, years ago, I bought a backup body, should something ever happen to the original. As long as we were starting with a new Martyman body, I decided […]
