This is Rock. Rock is a god. He is 100 percent guaranteed to be every bit as real as every other god. In fact, Rock God has many advantages over other gods:
1. Rock God isn’t afraid to show his face in the era of cameras. Anyone can see Rock God.
2. Rock God doesn’t care if you worship him. After all, why would any god be so insecure that he, she, or it would require worshipers?
3. Rock God doesn’t ask for your bigotry. People who are Rockers aren’t encouraged or required to marry other people who are Rockers. And since rocks don’t come in sexes, Rock God doesn’t give a rat’s ass about anyone’s sexual orientation.
4. Rocks are everywhere. Therefore, Rockers don’t have to fight generation-after-generation with those of any other religion over a piece of land.
5. Rock God doesn’t need humans to speak or act on its behalf. After all, any god that requires humans for those tasks really isn’t a god, is it?
6. Rock God is as hard as a rock. Interpret that however you want.
7. Rock God does not want any Rockers to fight wars on its behalf. However, if they must have a disagreement with someone, accompanying that disagreement with a soundtrack from Bruce Springsteen, Pearl Jam, Halestorm, or AC/DC is highly recommended. Rock on!
8. Rock God doesn’t need your money. Imagine that. No greedy clergy making money off of what you believe.
9. Rock God is confidently rock solid and doesn’t need to get involved in anyone’s politics. Is that great, or what?
10. Whether you believe in Rock God or not, billions of years from now, you’ll both break down into a variety of simpler substances on an Earth that is very different from how it appears today. In fact, some of your molecules may even merge with Rock God’s molecules to become part of something else. Wouldn’t that be heavenly?
Let’s Rock!