Marty’s photo of the day #2331: Okay, I have to admit that life was boring around my house this past weekend. My wife was in Portland, and I spent most of my time staring at my computer screen, waiting for my editor to email me the long-overdue edits for my new book, “Time Is Irreverent.”
Yesterday, after dinner, the Republican Jesus walked into my writing room and asked if he could go through the toy closet we keep for visiting children. “Sure,” I said, “but stay out of trouble.”
I went back to concentrating on my computer and didn’t think anything when I heard the front door open and close. Then pop! pop! pop! I ran outside and glared down at this gruesome scene.
“You killed Garfield and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle!” I screamed. “I’m taking your guns away.”
The Republican Jesus looked at me innocently and said, “Now is not the time to act on guns or place blame. Instead, we must offer our thoughts and prayers for the dead.”
Fortunately, a warped interpretation of the Second Amendment doesn’t apply in my house. I pried the guns from the Republican Jesus’s cold, plastic hands and sent him to bed early, without a snack. As I shut the bedroom door, I scolded him in my best dad voice, “If you’re going to act like a child, I’m going to treat you just like Ivanka treats Donald, when he acts like a child.”
“Does that mean you’re going to spank me?” he asked.