Dear World:
When I was in grade school, my teachers taught me that we here in the United States were the “good guys,” and I believed them. Now, as a freethinking adult, I know that’s not the case—at least not now. In fact, under acting-president Trump and his cult of deplorables, we’ve quite literally become the villains. While virtually all civilized countries joined the Paris agreement to fight global warming, our acting-president flipped you off and is attempting to pull us out. Then, just this week, 187 countries signed a pact to curb the world’s plastic waste crisis. And, of course, the United States was one of the very few countries refusing to sign that pact. Yes, we elected a government majority of greedy Republican assholes!
Please give us until the 2020 presidential election to recapture our good guy status. But if Donald Trump is victorious, there should be no doubt in your mind that we have moved to the dark side and are beyond repair. At that point, I would not blame you for bombing the shit out of us. We’d deserve it! That said, please hang in with us just a while longer. We have many good people here who are appalled by acting-president Trump and his cult of deplorables. In just 542 days our collective nightmare could very well be over.
Sincerely yours,
Marty Essen