Nature photography, political rants, and Martyman laughs from the ten-time award-winning author of "Cool Creatures, Hot Planet," "Endangered Edens," and the "Time Is Irreverent" series.

How President Bedbug can pay his $2 million fine

Today Senior Bedbug lost in court and was ordered to pay $2 million to settle the New York State Attorney General’s civil lawsuit against The Donald J. Bedbug Foundation for self-dealing to the Bedbug Crime Family. (Remember when the Bedbug claimed it was the Clinton Foundation, not the Bedbug Foundation that was corrupt?)

Since Senior Bedbug has been ordered to pay personally, and it’s quite obvious that he’s in debt to Russian oligarchs, he’s going to have to get creative to come up with the money. That said, everyone knows that sooner or later Senior Bedbug is going to start throwing family members under the bus to save his own skin.

With that in mind, I have a fundraising idea for him that would be therapeutic for the entire nation. For $1,000 he’ll order Ivanka Bedbug to appear in public without wearing makeup or designer clothing; for $10,000 he’ll order Eric Bedbug to read love poems to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez; and for $100,000 he’ll order Junior Bedbug to spend the night in a cage with immigrants from south of the border, etc. The possibilities are limitless!

Sure, it would be humiliating for the Bedbug children, but they’ve been humiliating themselves since the day Senior Bedbug announced his candidacy for president. And for a family that will do anything for money, it’s not much of a sacrifice. The fine would be paid in no time!

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