Nature photography, political rants, and Martyman laughs from the ten-time award-winning author Marty Essen

Posts tagged Republican Jesus

The glowing Mr. Trump Head

The glowing Mr. Trump Head

Marty’s photo of the day #3657: Mr. Trump Head, The Republican Jesus, Martyman and his dog, Professor Leakey, all live on the deep windowsill above our kitchen sink. The other day, my wife, Deb, called me into the kitchen, laughing. At this time of year, for just a few minutes, the rising sun hits Mr. […]

Hey, Donald Trump gave them the idea!

Hey, Donald Trump gave them the idea!

Marty’s photo of the day #3231: Yesterday was a busy day! Martyman was at the local hospital entertaining patients, and the Republican Jesus was at the bowling alley and nail salon shooting coronavirus. Unfortunately, both are now convinced that they caught COVID-19. Fortunately, they both also saw Donald Trump on the television, getting great ratings […]

The Republican Jesus has a new song!

The Republican Jesus has a new song!

It’s been awhile since the Republican Jesus has made an appearance on my posts, but he’s a busy guy, visiting various gun-loving Christian groups across America. His favorites include a Montana group that meets in a church and will provide you with a loaner gun if you show up without one, and “Calling for Christ,” […]

Martyman puts Mr. Trump Head where he belongs

Martyman puts Mr. Trump Head where he belongs

Marty’s photo of the day #2928: After reading this morning about a Trump Administration attorney arguing in Federal Court that the government shouldn’t be required to provide toothbrushes, soap, or beds for detained migrant children, Martyman did the only thing a liberal action figure could do: he locked Mr. Trump Head and the Republican Jesus […]

Martyman and unfuckupable banana bread

Martyman and unfuckupable banana bread

Aah. . . . Martyman is being nice and cutting banana bread for himself and the Republican Jesus. Oh, wait! He knows the Republican Jesus won’t drop his guns, unless someone pries them from his cold, dead hands. With the Republican Jesus unable to hold any food, Martyman will get both pieces. Well played, Martyman! […]

A Christmas message from the Republican Jesus

A Christmas message from the Republican Jesus

Hey conservatives! Republican Jesus here. With Christmas on the way, and the possibility that you might meet a heathen, a gay, a lesbian, or an environmentalist, I want to remind you to stick to your G.O.D.S. (Yes, plural, just like it is in Genesis until we changed our minds and settled on the one god […]

Nobody expects the Religious Liberty Task Force!

Nobody expects the Religious Liberty Task Force!

Last night, Martyman was just relaxing with a drink, reading his favorite book, when Jeff Sessions and the Republican Jesus burst through the door and put an end to the sinful debauchery. Nobody expects the Religious Liberty Task Force!

Did someone expect the Religious Liberty Task Force?

Did someone expect the Religious Liberty Task Force?

“Dad! Dad! The Republican Jesus is here, representing the Religious Liberty Task Force. He claims that the Happy Hunting Grounds don’t exist, and that if I don’t believe exactly as he does I will be thrown into a kennel and burn in hell. Can I eat him?”

A secret message from the Republican Jesus

A secret message from the Republican Jesus

“Psst . . . Hey, ammosexuals and fetish patriots . . . Republican Jesus here. Sorry to have to hide in your refrigerator like this, but I have a super-secret message for you that has to remain just between you and me. I know you have two major fantasies: “Your first fantasy is that you […]

Republican Jesus and the blame game

Republican Jesus and the blame game

Hi! Republican Jesus here. I just want to tell all you liberals out there to stop the Capital Gazette shooting blame game. Just because Saint Donny has proclaimed mainstream media the “enemy of the American People” and rails about them on Twitter and at his MAGA ego-enhancement rallies, it does not mean that he is […]

I resolve not to spit in the face . . .

I resolve not to spit in the face . . .

Marty’s photo of the day #2394: The Republican-led Senate just passed their tax bill, which is a giveaway to the rich (Jesus’s favorite people) and opens up the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to oil drilling (because Jesus thinks wilderness looks better covered with oil spills). Consequently, here is my New Year’s Resolution: I resolve not […]

Guest post from the Republican Jesus

Guest post from the Republican Jesus

Marty’s photo of the day #2391: Because of my frequent liberal posts, I have agreed to be fair to the other side and let the Republican Jesus have today’s post: “Hello Alabamans! Republican Jesus here. Thirteen months ago people just like you helped elect Donald Trump, a man who bragged about grabbing pussy without permission […]

The Republican Jesus kills Garfield

The Republican Jesus kills Garfield

Marty’s photo of the day #2331: Okay, I have to admit that life was boring around my house this past weekend. My wife was in Portland, and I spent most of my time staring at my computer screen, waiting for my editor to email me the long-overdue edits for my new book, “Time Is Irreverent.” […]

Martyman and the chicken soup mutiny

Martyman and the chicken soup mutiny

On Wednesday, my wife made me a big pot of chicken and dumpling soup, before leaving to teach weaving classes in Portland. That means it’s just the dogs, Martyman, the Republican Jesus, and me in the house until Monday. I can cook, if I have to, but I have been busy working on various projects […]

A message for the Republican Jesus

A message for the Republican Jesus

Marty’s photo of the day #2328: A message from the Republican Jesus: “Hi there! I just want to remind all of my sheep that no one, even me, can have enough firepower. Whether you own 47 guns or just 10—bring them to schools, concerts, churches, and movie theaters. You never know when you’ll get to […]

The Republican Jesus needs . . . your money

The Republican Jesus needs . . . your money

Marty’s photo of the day #2280: Once again the Republican Jesus has taken over my photo of the day: “Hey suckers . . . I mean God-fearing patriotic gun-loving conservatives! Our great white leader, Donald Trump, needs your help. Because some libtards couldn’t handle the fact that many Nazis and white supremacists are ‘very fine […]

The Republican Jesus: On Guard for Military Contractors

The Republican Jesus: On Guard for Military Contractors

Marty’s photo of the day #2127: Now that Donald Trump has released his Federal Budget Proposal, the Republican Jesus is busy guarding his money to make sure it only goes to military contractors and tax cuts for the super-rich. And, just as important, he is guarding his food to make sure it isn’t given to […]

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