Nature photography, political rants, and Martyman laughs from the ten-time award-winning author Marty Essen

Posts tagged Martyman

The glowing Mr. Trump Head

The glowing Mr. Trump Head

Marty’s photo of the day #3657: Mr. Trump Head, The Republican Jesus, Martyman and his dog, Professor Leakey, all live on the deep windowsill above our kitchen sink. The other day, my wife, Deb, called me into the kitchen, laughing. At this time of year, for just a few minutes, the rising sun hits Mr. […]

Martyman and the QAnon conspiracy theory

Martyman and the QAnon conspiracy theory

Marty’s photo of the day #3536: According to a QAnon conspiracy theory, which is believed by countless Republicans and Evangelical Christians, tomorrow (March 4th) Donald Trump will rise to power again. To that, Martyman—an action figure with more brainpower than anyone who believes anything from QAnon—says, “I’ve got Trump right here. And he isn’t rising […]

Come on America!

Come on America!

Marty’s photo of the day #3419: Today, we have a message from Martyman: “Come on America! You know what you have to do! And don’t forget to do the same to all the Republican senators who blindly supported the fascist turd.”

Donald Trump’s new hairstylist

Donald Trump’s new hairstylist

When Martyman—ever the entrepreneur—learned that Donald Trump had deducted $70,000.00 from his tax returns for hairstyling, he shouted, “I can do that!” And since action figures are immune to COVID-19, he applied for the job and got it. Ladies and gentlemen . . . I present to you Donald Trump’s new hairstylist—Martyman!

Hey, Donald Trump gave them the idea!

Hey, Donald Trump gave them the idea!

Marty’s photo of the day #3231: Yesterday was a busy day! Martyman was at the local hospital entertaining patients, and the Republican Jesus was at the bowling alley and nail salon shooting coronavirus. Unfortunately, both are now convinced that they caught COVID-19. Fortunately, they both also saw Donald Trump on the television, getting great ratings […]

Martyman’s National Beer Day announcement

Martyman’s National Beer Day announcement

Martyman asked me to remind you that today is National Beer Day. . . . As if today is different from any other day for him.

Martyman is going on a beer run.

Martyman is going on a beer run.

Marty’s photo of the day #3209: My wife and I are well prepared for sheltering in place during the COVID-19 pandemic. Sure, I lost my April college speaking tour and a book-signing and all the press and publicity that goes with those events. Sure, many of the stores that carry Deb’s weaving kits have temporarily […]

Martyman puts Mr. Trump Head where he belongs

Martyman puts Mr. Trump Head where he belongs

Marty’s photo of the day #2928: After reading this morning about a Trump Administration attorney arguing in Federal Court that the government shouldn’t be required to provide toothbrushes, soap, or beds for detained migrant children, Martyman did the only thing a liberal action figure could do: he locked Mr. Trump Head and the Republican Jesus […]

Don’t Cry Mr. Trump Head

Don’t Cry Mr. Trump Head

When I woke up this morning Martyman and Mr. Trump Head were missing. I thought for sure that Martyman had taken Mr. Trump Head outside for some sick joke, like placing him under the tree where the wild turkeys roost each night. Then I heard this high pitched whine coming out of the bathroom. I […]

Charades with Martyman

Charades with Martyman

Apparently, Martyman thinks Trump can kiss his ass,

Martyman celebrates National Beer Day

Martyman celebrates National Beer Day

Today is National Beer Day, and Martyman and his little cowfriend, Brett Calve-in-naugh, intend to celebrate the day to its fullest. I’m not sure why Martyman enjoys hanging around with Brett Calve-in-naugh so much. All the cow does is moo and proclaim over-and-over in a whiny voice, “I drank beer with my friends. Almost everyone […]

Martyman and unfuckupable banana bread

Martyman and unfuckupable banana bread

Aah. . . . Martyman is being nice and cutting banana bread for himself and the Republican Jesus. Oh, wait! He knows the Republican Jesus won’t drop his guns, unless someone pries them from his cold, dead hands. With the Republican Jesus unable to hold any food, Martyman will get both pieces. Well played, Martyman! […]

Bad Martyman! Bad Martyman!

Bad Martyman! Bad Martyman!

Bad Martyman! Bad Martyman! My wife, Deb, is out of town, teaching weaving classes in Oregon. Those who follow my posts know that when she is gone, Martyman and I must fend for ourselves—and that invariably means making some banana bread to stretch my otherwise uncreative cooking. Well, today I had two loaves ready to […]

Martyman investgates inside Trump’s head.

Martyman investgates inside  Trump’s head.

As a service to the American people, Martyman has volunteered to get inside Donald Trump’s head to have a look around. Let’s listen to his report: “Hmm. . . . It’s quite empty in here. No ethics, no empathy, no intelligence. And it smells like Russian prostitute pee. Wait, the dim light coming in through […]

Trump is up to his neck in what?

Trump is up to his neck in what?

When Deb and I moved to Montana in 1996, we experienced record snowfall our first winter. We live at the foot of a mountain and have a long gravel driveway. Figuring “all Montana winters must be like this,” I went out and bought a snowblower. Fast forward to this winter, and in 23 years, I […]

It Trump really a fascist?

It Trump really a fascist?

Is Donald Trump actually a fascist? Although I often criticize the incompetent twit, I’ve tried to avoid exaggerating by blatantly calling him a fascist. Then I saw this: “The Democrats could solve the Shutdown problem in a very short period of time. All they have to do is approve REAL Border Security (including a Wall), […]

What really concerns Donald Trump

What really concerns Donald Trump

Here’s what really concerns Tiny Trump’s psychopathic brain the most about the MAGA Bomber and the Tree of Life Synagogue Mass Shooter. Thursday night he said, “Now, we did have two maniacs stop a momentum that was incredible, because for seven days nobody talked about the elections. It stopped a tremendous momentum.” Upon hearing Tiny […]

Martyman plays for Melania Trump

Martyman plays for Melania Trump

Upon hearing Melania Trump claim, “I’m the most bullied person on the world,” Martyman decided to get out the world’s smallest violin to play the world’s saddest song on her behalf. Either that or he just finished reading Stormy Daniels’ book and is trying to visualize Donald Trump’s Mushroom Mario Kart. I’m not sure which.

Stop the vote!

Stop the vote!

Marty’s photo of the day #2676: Yes, sometimes Martyman has too much to drink and passes out in the gutter. But he never attempts to rape anyone, never sticks his dick in anyone’s face (other than that unfortunate incident with a Tasmanian devil he refuses to discuss), never starts bar fights, never rages in paranoia […]

Hang in there East Coast!

Hang in there East Coast!

Hang in there East Coast! Martyman feels your pain.

Recent Posts

Categories