Nature photography, political rants, and Martyman laughs from the ten-time award-winning author Marty Essen

Posts tagged Guns

Republican and turkeys

Republican and turkeys

Marty’s photo of the day #3542: How are turkeys like Republicans? Turkeys show off their feathers when they want to mate; Republicans show off their guns when they want to mate. Turkeys have trouble solving complex problems; Republicans have trouble solving simple math—like that 306 electoral votes is greater than 232 electoral votes. Turkeys will […]

Toilet paper marauders

Toilet paper marauders

Today I read a newspaper article about the long lines at gun stores from people stocking up on guns and ammo. I can imagine those men talking to their wives now: “Honey, I need to protect your toilet paper. If anyone comes within 50 feet of those precious rolls, I’ll blow their heads off!” Still, […]

The Republican Jesus has a new song!

The Republican Jesus has a new song!

It’s been awhile since the Republican Jesus has made an appearance on my posts, but he’s a busy guy, visiting various gun-loving Christian groups across America. His favorites include a Montana group that meets in a church and will provide you with a loaner gun if you show up without one, and “Calling for Christ,” […]

Republican hypocrisy in a nutshell

Republican hypocrisy in a nutshell

For years Republicans have rejected the argument that our Founding Fathers could never have envisioned high-capacity, rapid-fire guns when they wrote the Second Amendment. Conversely, they are now arguing in front of the Supreme Court that people of differing sexual orientations and identities can be fired from their jobs—because the lawmakers who wrote the Civil […]

F*ck, f*cking guns!

F*ck, f*cking guns!

Three people were shot at the Minnesota State Fair last night. Having lived much of my life in Minnesota, I’ve been to that fair many times. Never once did I think, “Oh, I wonder if there will be a shooting while I’m there?” But now, such a thought enters the minds of millions of Americans […]

After each mass shooting in America . . .

After each mass shooting in America . . .

After each mass shooting in America, Republicans offer thoughts and prayers. After each Republican prayer session, God answers, “I gave you Australia as an example of how to stop mass shootings. Follow them and they will go away.” Republicans respond, “I can’t quite hear you God. But I think you said we need more high-capacity […]

Martyman and unfuckupable banana bread

Martyman and unfuckupable banana bread

Aah. . . . Martyman is being nice and cutting banana bread for himself and the Republican Jesus. Oh, wait! He knows the Republican Jesus won’t drop his guns, unless someone pries them from his cold, dead hands. With the Republican Jesus unable to hold any food, Martyman will get both pieces. Well played, Martyman! […]

“Spectacular executions” held here.

“Spectacular executions” held here.

Marty’s photo of the day #2778: This is part of a wall that at one time went around the top of the L’Arena di Verona, the fourth largest coliseum in Italy. The coliseum was built in the first century, and it’s actually older than the more famous coliseum in Rome. A sign just inside the […]

Back to normal in the good old USA!

Back to normal in the good old USA!

I woke up thinking, now that all the election craziness is over, it will be nice to get back to normal for a while. I went on my morning bike ride, settled into my writing room, booted up my laptop, checked my emails, checked my overnight book sales, and maneuvered over to Huff Post. Greeting […]

What republicans mean by “unity”

What republicans mean by “unity”

On the heels of pipe bombs sent to prominent liberals, Donald Trump feigned outrage and called for national unity. Then, after realizing he let down his cult, he tweeted, “A very big part of the Anger we see today in our society is caused by the purposely false and inaccurate reporting of the Mainstream Media […]

My post-apocalyptic gift to hypocritical far-right

My post-apocalyptic gift to hypocritical far-right

Marty’s photo of the day #2565: I don’t know if there is a god. But I do know that if a god exists, and she has any decency at all, it will be the honest, generous, and ethical people who go to heaven and the hypocritical far-right Christians who will end up stuck on Earth. […]

“Oh, yeah? You can’t make me not buy it!”

“Oh, yeah? You can’t make me not buy it!”

Despite quite literally putting a warning on both the Amazon and Goodreads pages for my science-fiction political-comedy, Time Is Irreverent, conservatives keep buying it and are then surprised when they hate it. I should have thought of this marketing tactic years ago: Tell someone not to buy your book and they go, “Oh, yeah? You […]

Yes, I do take requests

Yes, I do take requests

Marty’s photo of the day #2494: I worked my way through high school and college as a DJ at radio stations WEBC and KQDS in Duluth. That avocation is long behind me, but I still take requests. Yesterday a friend wrote and requested a marmot picture. So let me, uh-um, clear my throat and find […]

When stereotypes are accurate

When stereotypes are accurate

Marty’s photo of the day #2472: As a liberal, I try to avoid grouping people in stereotypes. But sometimes you can’t argue with their accuracy. For instance, I have neighbors who have been known to shoot off their guns in such rapid succession that I can smell the gunpowder more than a quarter mile away. […]

So many guns, so many questions

So many guns, so many questions

When Republicans say that mental illness is the problem, not guns, I’m never sure how to respond. Should I ask why mental illness is such a huge problem in the United States, but not Great Britain and Australia? Or should I agree, proclaim that the best indicator of mental illness is owning an assault rifle, […]

American gun death resurrections

American gun death resurrections

Soon Republicans and the NRA will agree to make it a bit harder to acquire bump stocks. Then they’ll puff out their chests, tell us all how much they care, and go on offering prayers for the victims of the next slaughter—and the next. If prayers were effective against America’s gun death epidemic, victims would […]

A calming flower for an infuriating day

A calming flower for an infuriating day

Marty’s photo of the day #2324: What kind of photo do you post on the morning of yet another mass shooting? I ultimately decided on this beautiful flower, but only because it’s calming. Tell us again, NRA and NRA-supporting voters and politicians, why is it more important for you to have easy access to rapid […]

My front yard elk and possible poachers

My front yard elk and possible poachers

Marty’s photo of the day #2081: This was the scene in my front yard yesterday. For the last few days, we’ve had a herd of elk hanging around. At this time of year they are a bit scraggly, as they are losing their winter coats. They were also quite skittish, so I had to be […]

Watch out Martyman

Watch out Martyman

Marty’s photo of the day #2063: Watch out Martyman! Here’s what Montana’s Republican candidate for Congress, Greg Gianforte, said before going out to shoot massive numbers of prairie dogs with Donald Trump Jr.: “What can be more fun than to spend an afternoon shooting the little rodents?” When the Republican Jesus heard that, he thought, […]

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