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Hey conservatives! Republican Jesus here. With Christmas on the way, and the possibility that you might meet a heathen, a gay, a lesbian, or an environmentalist, I want to remind you to stick to your G.O.D.S. (Yes, plural, just like it is in Genesis until we changed our minds and settled on the one god […]
For the next week, Deb is on a huge cruise ship, heading for Mexico, and I’m home alone. My wife, being the big weaver-lebrity she is, is one of the featured speakers/teachers on a “Weaving at Sea Cruise.” She invited me to come along, but being on a ship with two thousand other people just […]
Here’s what really concerns Tiny Trump’s psychopathic brain the most about the MAGA Bomber and the Tree of Life Synagogue Mass Shooter. Thursday night he said, “Now, we did have two maniacs stop a momentum that was incredible, because for seven days nobody talked about the elections. It stopped a tremendous momentum.” Upon hearing Tiny […]
Upon hearing Melania Trump claim, “I’m the most bullied person on the world,” Martyman decided to get out the world’s smallest violin to play the world’s saddest song on her behalf. Either that or he just finished reading Stormy Daniels’ book and is trying to visualize Donald Trump’s Mushroom Mario Kart. I’m not sure which.
Marty’s photo of the day #2676: Yes, sometimes Martyman has too much to drink and passes out in the gutter. But he never attempts to rape anyone, never sticks his dick in anyone’s face (other than that unfortunate incident with a Tasmanian devil he refuses to discuss), never starts bar fights, never rages in paranoia […]
Last night, Martyman was just relaxing with a drink, reading his favorite book, when Jeff Sessions and the Republican Jesus burst through the door and put an end to the sinful debauchery. Nobody expects the Religious Liberty Task Force!
“Psst . . . Hey, ammosexuals and fetish patriots . . . Republican Jesus here. Sorry to have to hide in your refrigerator like this, but I have a super-secret message for you that has to remain just between you and me. I know you have two major fantasies: “Your first fantasy is that you […]
Martyman declares victory! Things got a bit messy, but he successfully baked his first loaf of banana bread. It was touch and go there for a while—especially after he forgot to add the eggs. If you missed my initial post on this, Martyman had to pull the hot pan out of the oven, pour the […]
I’m pretty much the Anti-cook. Luckily when my lovely wife, Deb, leaves Martyman and me home alone, she also leaves us with a big pot of soup. Or, as is the case this week (she’s at the Convergence Conference in Reno), she left us a giant bowl of crab salad. Unfortunately, five days of crab […]
The proof copy of Time Is Irreverent arrived today! I love the silky feel of the cover. The interior looks great too—at least it did for the few seconds I got to see it. Martyman quickly grabbed the book from me and declared that since he is the star, he gets to look at it […]
Marty’s photo of the day #2433: Martyman loves his Minnesota Vikings, but there is only so much an action figure can take.
Marty’s photo of the day #2400: Martyman tries to make everyone think he’s an angel, but I just caught him red-handed messing with the reindeer again. “Bad Martyman! Put the reindeer back, now!” Sorry. I have no control over him. . . . Really. It’s like having a little kid in the house.
As Martyman fans know, our hero loves to dress up for the holidays. In fact, just a few minutes ago, Martyman walked into my office and asked if I would take his picture, so he could include it in the thousands of Christmas cards he was mailing out. I was just about to click the […]
Marty’s photo of the day #2356: I apologize to Martyman fans. I’m well-aware that he’s been missing from my posts for well over a month. I’ve been so busy putting the final touches on my new book, “Time Is Irreverent,” that I just haven’t had a spare moment to set up any shots. In fact, […]
On Wednesday, my wife made me a big pot of chicken and dumpling soup, before leaving to teach weaving classes in Portland. That means it’s just the dogs, Martyman, the Republican Jesus, and me in the house until Monday. I can cook, if I have to, but I have been busy working on various projects […]
Martyman is now on the ground in Puerto Rico, helping with the hurricane relief efforts. He had stowed away in the carton containing the paper towels Donald Trump tossed into the crowd. When I asked Martyman how he was able to know which roll to hide in, so he’d actually be thrown by our egomaniacal […]
Marty’s photo of the day #2323: Martyman is in his big chair, all excited to watch the Minnesota Vikings football game. And, of course, being a political action figure, he’s taken a knee, so he can protest police brutality toward blacks, during the National Anthem. I don’t have the heart to tell him that “taking […]
Marty’s photo of the day #2307: Martyman is all excited, because I gave him a $5,000.00 bill. “With all this money, I can impress the ladies,” he said. “Maybe I can even get a mail-order stripper-bride, just like Melania Trump! Did I say stripper? I mean ‘high-class model-bride.’” Poor Martyman is in for a letdown. […]
