Nature photography, political rants, and Martyman laughs from the ten-time award-winning author of "Cool Creatures, Hot Planet," "Endangered Edens," and "Time Is Irreverent."

Posts in category Martyman

How to eat banana bread like a Martyman

How to eat banana bread like a Martyman

For the next week, Deb is on a huge cruise ship, heading for Mexico, and I’m home alone. My wife, being the big weaver-lebrity she is, is one of the featured speakers/teachers on a “Weaving at Sea Cruise.” She invited me to come along, but being on a ship with two thousand other people just […]

What really concerns Donald Trump

What really concerns Donald Trump

Here’s what really concerns Tiny Trump’s psychopathic brain the most about the MAGA Bomber and the Tree of Life Synagogue Mass Shooter. Thursday night he said, “Now, we did have two maniacs stop a momentum that was incredible, because for seven days nobody talked about the elections. It stopped a tremendous momentum.” Upon hearing Tiny […]

Martyman plays for Melania Trump

Martyman plays for Melania Trump

Upon hearing Melania Trump claim, “I’m the most bullied person on the world,” Martyman decided to get out the world’s smallest violin to play the world’s saddest song on her behalf. Either that or he just finished reading Stormy Daniels’ book and is trying to visualize Donald Trump’s Mushroom Mario Kart. I’m not sure which.

Stop the vote!

Stop the vote!

Marty’s photo of the day #2676: Yes, sometimes Martyman has too much to drink and passes out in the gutter. But he never attempts to rape anyone, never sticks his dick in anyone’s face (other than that unfortunate incident with a Tasmanian devil he refuses to discuss), never starts bar fights, never rages in paranoia […]

Hang in there East Coast!

Hang in there East Coast!

Hang in there East Coast! Martyman feels your pain.

Nobody expects the Religious Liberty Task Force!

Nobody expects the Religious Liberty Task Force!

Last night, Martyman was just relaxing with a drink, reading his favorite book, when Jeff Sessions and the Republican Jesus burst through the door and put an end to the sinful debauchery. Nobody expects the Religious Liberty Task Force!

A secret message from the Republican Jesus

A secret message from the Republican Jesus

“Psst . . . Hey, ammosexuals and fetish patriots . . . Republican Jesus here. Sorry to have to hide in your refrigerator like this, but I have a super-secret message for you that has to remain just between you and me. I know you have two major fantasies: “Your first fantasy is that you […]

Martyman and the great banana bread adventure, part 2

Martyman and the great banana bread adventure, part 2

Martyman declares victory! Things got a bit messy, but he successfully baked his first loaf of banana bread. It was touch and go there for a while—especially after he forgot to add the eggs. If you missed my initial post on this, Martyman had to pull the hot pan out of the oven, pour the […]

Martyman and the great banana bread adventure

Martyman and the great banana bread adventure

I’m pretty much the Anti-cook. Luckily when my lovely wife, Deb, leaves Martyman and me home alone, she also leaves us with a big pot of soup. Or, as is the case this week (she’s at the Convergence Conference in Reno), she left us a giant bowl of crab salad. Unfortunately, five days of crab […]

Martyman’s commentary on the First Lady

Martyman’s commentary on the First Lady

Marty’s photo of the day #2577: Martyman gets today’s post.

The proof of Time Is Irreverent has arrived!

The proof of Time Is Irreverent has arrived!

The proof copy of Time Is Irreverent arrived today! I love the silky feel of the cover. The interior looks great too—at least it did for the few seconds I got to see it. Martyman quickly grabbed the book from me and declared that since he is the star, he gets to look at it […]

Too much for even an action figure

Too much for even an action figure

Marty’s photo of the day #2433: Martyman loves his Minnesota Vikings, but there is only so much an action figure can take.

Bad Martyman!

Bad Martyman!

Marty’s photo of the day #2400: Martyman tries to make everyone think he’s an angel, but I just caught him red-handed messing with the reindeer again. “Bad Martyman! Put the reindeer back, now!” Sorry. I have no control over him. . . . Really. It’s like having a little kid in the house.

Grope and Vote for Roy Moore!

Grope and Vote for Roy Moore!

As Martyman fans know, our hero loves to dress up for the holidays. In fact, just a few minutes ago, Martyman walked into my office and asked if I would take his picture, so he could include it in the thousands of Christmas cards he was mailing out. I was just about to click the […]

Hang in there, Martyman!

Hang in there, Martyman!

Marty’s photo of the day #2356: I apologize to Martyman fans. I’m well-aware that he’s been missing from my posts for well over a month. I’ve been so busy putting the final touches on my new book, “Time Is Irreverent,” that I just haven’t had a spare moment to set up any shots. In fact, […]

Martyman and the chicken soup mutiny

Martyman and the chicken soup mutiny

On Wednesday, my wife made me a big pot of chicken and dumpling soup, before leaving to teach weaving classes in Portland. That means it’s just the dogs, Martyman, the Republican Jesus, and me in the house until Monday. I can cook, if I have to, but I have been busy working on various projects […]

Martyman is in Puerto Rico, helping with hurricane releif efforts

Martyman is in Puerto Rico, helping with hurricane releif efforts

Martyman is now on the ground in Puerto Rico, helping with the hurricane relief efforts. He had stowed away in the carton containing the paper towels Donald Trump tossed into the crowd. When I asked Martyman how he was able to know which roll to hide in, so he’d actually be thrown by our egomaniacal […]

Open wide, Wayne LaPierre!

Open wide, Wayne LaPierre!

When I told Martyman that it was too soon after Las Vegas to make a political statement about how easy it is to buy high-capacity, rapid-fire guns in America, he said to me, “That’s what right-wingers always say! Yet after mass shootings, what do those people do? They hurry out to buy more microphallic compensation […]

Martyman takes a knee

Martyman takes a knee

Marty’s photo of the day #2323: Martyman is in his big chair, all excited to watch the Minnesota Vikings football game. And, of course, being a political action figure, he’s taken a knee, so he can protest police brutality toward blacks, during the National Anthem. I don’t have the heart to tell him that “taking […]

Martyman gets rich!

Martyman gets rich!

Marty’s photo of the day #2307: Martyman is all excited, because I gave him a $5,000.00 bill. “With all this money, I can impress the ladies,” he said. “Maybe I can even get a mail-order stripper-bride, just like Melania Trump! Did I say stripper? I mean ‘high-class model-bride.’” Poor Martyman is in for a letdown. […]

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