Nature photography, political rants, and Martyman laughs from the ten-time award-winning author of "Cool Creatures, Hot Planet," "Endangered Edens," and the "Time Is Irreverent" series.

Posts in category Humor

Martyman defends Congresswomen Omar and Tlaib

Martyman defends Congresswomen Omar and Tlaib

If you follow the adventures of Martyman, you know he’s the most well-read action figure in America. It’s one of his superpowers. This morning he was up early, reading the news, and learned that Donald Trump had told congresswomen Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib to go back to where they came from. That got the […]

President KKKlueless and the conspiracy of the day

President KKKlueless  and the conspiracy of the day

“See, I don’t think that the mainstream media is free speech either because it’s so crooked. It’s so dishonest. So to me, free speech is not when you see something good and then you purposely write bad. To me, that’s very dangerous speech, and you become angry at it. But that’s not free speech.”\—Führer Trump […]

The Aussie Fangs-O-Death

The Aussie Fangs-O-Death

Marty’s photo of the day #2937: Marty: “Look. It’s an Aussie fangs-o-death!” Deb: “Wow! She’s almost as big as my hand.” Marty: “Great idea! Put your hand behind her for size-comparison.” Deb: “Like this?” Marty: “No. Closer.” Deb: “Like this?” Marty: “Still not close enough.” Deb: (takes a deep breath) “How’s this?” Marty: (smirks) “Just […]

Music movies and the asshole manager

Music movies and the asshole manager

I began working at radio stations at the age of 13 and became a talent manager at the age of 21, so music has always been a big part of my life. Consequently, I rarely miss a music-oriented movie. In the past year I’ve seen the remake of A Star is Born, Bohemian Rhapsody, and […]

Penguins say Happy Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, and LGBTQ Pride Month

Penguins say Happy Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, and LGBTQ Pride Month

Marty’s photo of the day #2923: Happy Father’s Day! One thing about penguins is that you can’t easily tell their sex by looks or behavior. Is this really a daddy penguin feeding his chick? Or is it a mommy penguin feeding her chick? I could use this same photo to wish people a Happy Mother’s […]

Looking the part

Looking the part

After I wrote Cool Creatures, Hot Planet: Exploring the Seven Continents and turned it into a college show, I realized that I was getting a bit heavy in my face. Since I’ve been a talent agent most of my life, and I was now agenting myself, I followed the advice I would give to any […]

Every country has its unique problems

Every country has its unique problems

Marty’s photo of the day #2915: Every country has its unique problems. In America, it’s a cult leader president with a narcissistic personality disorder, gun fetishes, and the fear of assertive women; and in Australia it’s wallabies insisting on a pool-water chaser after drinking their bottle of wine.

Not just Dr. Evil, evil

Not just Dr. Evil, evil

There are many similarities between Donald Trump and evil dictators. I noticed one this week, when reports surfaced that Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un of North Korea had his special envoy to the United States, Kim Hyok Chol, executed because of last February’s failed summit with Trump. Coincidentally, White House staffers made sure the warship USS […]

Don’t Cry Mr. Trump Head

Don’t Cry Mr. Trump Head

When I woke up this morning Martyman and Mr. Trump Head were missing. I thought for sure that Martyman had taken Mr. Trump Head outside for some sick joke, like placing him under the tree where the wild turkeys roost each night. Then I heard this high pitched whine coming out of the bathroom. I […]

Charades with Martyman

Charades with Martyman

Apparently, Martyman thinks Trump can kiss his ass,

My train of thought on the abortion ban sex strike

My train of thought on the abortion ban sex strike

My train of thought: When I first learned that actress Alyssa Milano was calling for a sex strike to protest the strict abortion bans passed by Republican-controlled legislatures, I thought, “Hey, great idea!” Then I thought: Such a strike would only affect liberal men like me, who respect a woman’s right to make choices for […]

Trump fans take note!

Trump fans take note!

When I published Time Is Irreverent, conservative Christian Republicans were furious with how I depicted them. Hell, I even suggested that the theocracy coming out of the reign of “President Handley” would advocate shooting brown people crossing the border from Mexico. Then, last night, while Donald Trump was whining at a rally about brown people […]

Understanding why conservative Christians think Trump was sent by God.

Understanding why conservative Christians think Trump was sent by God.

When butterflies deliver your mail

When butterflies deliver your mail

Marty’s photo of the day #2871: I dedicate today’s photo to Wanda LaCroix. She lives in Grecia, Costa Rica, and on February 1st I mailed her a copy of my new novel, “Time Is Irreverent 2: Jesus Christ, Not Again!” According to USPS tracking, the book traveled from Victor, Montana to Missoula to San Francisco […]

Martyman celebrates National Beer Day

Martyman celebrates National Beer Day

Today is National Beer Day, and Martyman and his little cowfriend, Brett Calve-in-naugh, intend to celebrate the day to its fullest. I’m not sure why Martyman enjoys hanging around with Brett Calve-in-naugh so much. All the cow does is moo and proclaim over-and-over in a whiny voice, “I drank beer with my friends. Almost everyone […]

Martyman and unfuckupable banana bread

Martyman and unfuckupable banana bread

Aah. . . . Martyman is being nice and cutting banana bread for himself and the Republican Jesus. Oh, wait! He knows the Republican Jesus won’t drop his guns, unless someone pries them from his cold, dead hands. With the Republican Jesus unable to hold any food, Martyman will get both pieces. Well played, Martyman! […]

GOP and Toady Barr: have you no decency?

GOP and Toady Barr:  have you no decency?

This week’s Mueller Investigation events, as interpreted by Marty Essen: 1) Robert Mueller presents his report to Trump’s toady, William Barr. 2) Attorney General Toady takes the extensive Mueller report, ignores what might hurt Crybaby Trump, creates a four-page summary that the Crybaby and his cult can campaign on, and presents it to the House […]

Costa Rican plungers

Costa Rican plungers

Marty’s photo of the day #2831: I bet you’ve always wondered. Where do plungers come from? I solved that mystery when I found them growing in the rainforest of Costa Rica.

Bad Martyman! Bad Martyman!

Bad Martyman! Bad Martyman!

Bad Martyman! Bad Martyman! My wife, Deb, is out of town, teaching weaving classes in Oregon. Those who follow my posts know that when she is gone, Martyman and I must fend for ourselves—and that invariably means making some banana bread to stretch my otherwise uncreative cooking. Well, today I had two loaves ready to […]

Martyman investgates inside Trump’s head.

Martyman investgates inside  Trump’s head.

As a service to the American people, Martyman has volunteered to get inside Donald Trump’s head to have a look around. Let’s listen to his report: “Hmm. . . . It’s quite empty in here. No ethics, no empathy, no intelligence. And it smells like Russian prostitute pee. Wait, the dim light coming in through […]

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