Nature photography, political rants, and Martyman laughs from the ten-time award-winning author of "Cool Creatures, Hot Planet," "Endangered Edens," and "Time Is Irreverent."

Posts in category Humor

Damn me from the past!

Damn me from the past!

Marty’s photo of the day #2685: I try to avoid posting the same photo twice, but sometimes I forget. This morning I was going through my Borneo photos and came across this frog. I did a little sharpening and a little cropping but couldn’t remember the species name. I have several identification books, but since […]

Martyman plays for Melania Trump

Martyman plays for Melania Trump

Upon hearing Melania Trump claim, “I’m the most bullied person on the world,” Martyman decided to get out the world’s smallest violin to play the world’s saddest song on her behalf. Either that or he just finished reading Stormy Daniels’ book and is trying to visualize Donald Trump’s Mushroom Mario Kart. I’m not sure which.

Brett Kavanaugh please report to . . .

Brett Kavanaugh please report to . . .

“On behalf of our nation, I would like to apologize to Brett and his family for the terrible pain and suffering that you have been forced to endure.” —Donald Treason Trump (at Brett Blackout Kavanaugh ceremonial swearing-in) “On behalf of our 65,844,954 sane American voters, I would like to apologize to the rest of the […]

Stop the vote!

Stop the vote!

Marty’s photo of the day #2676: Yes, sometimes Martyman has too much to drink and passes out in the gutter. But he never attempts to rape anyone, never sticks his dick in anyone’s face (other than that unfortunate incident with a Tasmanian devil he refuses to discuss), never starts bar fights, never rages in paranoia […]

Trump’s most famous campaign quote adjusted for accuracy

Trump’s most famous campaign quote adjusted for accuracy

As a public service, I have adjusted Donald Trump’s most famous campaign quote for accuracy. Now it makes much more sense: “When my administration sends its people, we’re not sending our best. We’re not sending you. We’re not sending you. We’re sending people that have lots of problems, and we’re bringing those problems with us. […]

Donald Trump to require Canada goose documentation

Donald Trump to require Canada goose documentation

Marty’s photo of the day #2638: So far Donald Trump hasn’t figured out how to put a tariff on Canada geese, but he recently tweeted: “No Canada goose will be allowed in Amerika without dumantasion. They’re spying for Canada. They’re eating our fish. They’re Amerikan eagle RAPISTS. And some, I assume, are good burds. Secratay […]

“I have the best people.”

“I have the best people.”

With Michael Cohen’s guilty plea and Paul Manafort’s guilty verdicts today, let’s reminisce about three of Donald Trump’s most memorable campaign promises: “I have the best people.” “I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.” “Look at those hands. Are […]

Pat Robertson had a dream. So did I.

Pat Robertson had a dream. So did I.

“God came to me in a dream last night and showed me the future. He took me to heaven, and I saw Donald Trump seated at the right hand of our Lord.”—Pat Robertson “What a coincidence! Satan came to me in a dream last night and showed me the future. He took me to hottest […]

Nobody expects the Religious Liberty Task Force!

Nobody expects the Religious Liberty Task Force!

Last night, Martyman was just relaxing with a drink, reading his favorite book, when Jeff Sessions and the Republican Jesus burst through the door and put an end to the sinful debauchery. Nobody expects the Religious Liberty Task Force!

A secret message from the Republican Jesus

A secret message from the Republican Jesus

“Psst . . . Hey, ammosexuals and fetish patriots . . . Republican Jesus here. Sorry to have to hide in your refrigerator like this, but I have a super-secret message for you that has to remain just between you and me. I know you have two major fantasies: “Your first fantasy is that you […]

Fred the Eyelash Viper

Fred the Eyelash Viper

Marty’s photo of the day #2599: This is Fred the Eyelash Viper. He lived on a large leaf outside the cabin we rented in the Costa Rican rainforest. Each morning and each night, Deb and I would stop and say “hi.” Fred would have responded in kind, but lack of vocal cords prevented him from […]

The longest migration on Earth

The longest migration on Earth

Marty’s photo of the day #2594: This is a tiny segment of the Porcupine caribou migration. These caribou migrate between Canada and the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in Alaska. Their 800 mile-long migration is the longest of any land animal on Earth. Now that the Republican cult and Rut Leader Trump have opened up the […]

Martyman and the great banana bread adventure, part 2

Martyman and the great banana bread adventure, part 2

Martyman declares victory! Things got a bit messy, but he successfully baked his first loaf of banana bread. It was touch and go there for a while—especially after he forgot to add the eggs. If you missed my initial post on this, Martyman had to pull the hot pan out of the oven, pour the […]

Martyman and the great banana bread adventure

Martyman and the great banana bread adventure

I’m pretty much the Anti-cook. Luckily when my lovely wife, Deb, leaves Martyman and me home alone, she also leaves us with a big pot of soup. Or, as is the case this week (she’s at the Convergence Conference in Reno), she left us a giant bowl of crab salad. Unfortunately, five days of crab […]

From North America’s beacon of freedom on Independence Day

From North America’s beacon of freedom on Independence Day

Marty’s photo of the day #2588: With today being Independence Day, Americans turn to thoughts of freedom: freedom of the press, freedom to not be shot, freedom from being embarrassed by the head of your country, freedom from misspelled presidential tweets, freedom to believe in science, freedom from Putin, freedom from the cone of silence, […]

Republican Jesus and the blame game

Republican Jesus and the blame game

Hi! Republican Jesus here. I just want to tell all you liberals out there to stop the Capital Gazette shooting blame game. Just because Saint Donny has proclaimed mainstream media the “enemy of the American People” and rails about them on Twitter and at his MAGA ego-enhancement rallies, it does not mean that he is […]

My post-apocalyptic gift to hypocritical far-right

My post-apocalyptic gift to hypocritical far-right

Marty’s photo of the day #2565: I don’t know if there is a god. But I do know that if a god exists, and she has any decency at all, it will be the honest, generous, and ethical people who go to heaven and the hypocritical far-right Christians who will end up stuck on Earth. […]

The money shot for my Republican friends

The money shot for my Republican friends

Marty’s photo of the day #2564: Yesterday, for my liberal friends, I posted a beautiful aerial shot I took of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. Although almost all of my Republican friends have long since had enough of my snarky posts and moved on to safer territory, I still have a few Republican friends. Okay, […]

Scared of Eagles and Lynx? Have a military parade!

Scared of Eagles and Lynx? Have a military parade!

Much is being made in the news about President Crybaby Chickenshit uninviting the Super Bowl Champion Philadelphia Eagles from their White House visit. What deserves just as much attention is that President Crybaby Chickenshit was too cowardly to even initiate a visit from the WNBA Champion Minnesota Lynx. Yes, President Crybaby Chickenshit was too scared […]

Inside a Spanish castle

Inside a Spanish castle

Marty’s photo of the day #2558: I will let a short excerpt from my first book, Cool Creatures, Hot Planet: Exploring the Seven Continents, explain this shot from Spain: If medieval real estate agents existed, they would have listed the Castillo de Monfragüe as a “starter castle.” Built in the fifteenth century, it was much […]

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