Nature photography, political rants, and Martyman laughs from the ten-time award-winning author of "Cool Creatures, Hot Planet," "Endangered Edens," and the "Time Is Irreverent" series.

Posts in category Humor

Don’t Cry Mr. Trump Head

Don’t Cry Mr. Trump Head

When I woke up this morning Martyman and Mr. Trump Head were missing. I thought for sure that Martyman had taken Mr. Trump Head outside for some sick joke, like placing him under the tree where the wild turkeys roost each night. Then I heard this high pitched whine coming out of the bathroom. I […]

Charades with Martyman

Charades with Martyman

Apparently, Martyman thinks Trump can kiss his ass,

My train of thought on the abortion ban sex strike

My train of thought on the abortion ban sex strike

My train of thought: When I first learned that actress Alyssa Milano was calling for a sex strike to protest the strict abortion bans passed by Republican-controlled legislatures, I thought, “Hey, great idea!” Then I thought: Such a strike would only affect liberal men like me, who respect a woman’s right to make choices for […]

Trump fans take note!

Trump fans take note!

When I published Time Is Irreverent, conservative Christian Republicans were furious with how I depicted them. Hell, I even suggested that the theocracy coming out of the reign of “President Handley” would advocate shooting brown people crossing the border from Mexico. Then, last night, while Donald Trump was whining at a rally about brown people […]

Understanding why conservative Christians think Trump was sent by God.

Understanding why conservative Christians think Trump was sent by God.

When butterflies deliver your mail

When butterflies deliver your mail

Marty’s photo of the day #2871: I dedicate today’s photo to Wanda LaCroix. She lives in Grecia, Costa Rica, and on February 1st I mailed her a copy of my new novel, “Time Is Irreverent 2: Jesus Christ, Not Again!” According to USPS tracking, the book traveled from Victor, Montana to Missoula to San Francisco […]

Martyman celebrates National Beer Day

Martyman celebrates National Beer Day

Today is National Beer Day, and Martyman and his little cowfriend, Brett Calve-in-naugh, intend to celebrate the day to its fullest. I’m not sure why Martyman enjoys hanging around with Brett Calve-in-naugh so much. All the cow does is moo and proclaim over-and-over in a whiny voice, “I drank beer with my friends. Almost everyone […]

Martyman and unfuckupable banana bread

Martyman and unfuckupable banana bread

Aah. . . . Martyman is being nice and cutting banana bread for himself and the Republican Jesus. Oh, wait! He knows the Republican Jesus won’t drop his guns, unless someone pries them from his cold, dead hands. With the Republican Jesus unable to hold any food, Martyman will get both pieces. Well played, Martyman! […]

GOP and Toady Barr: have you no decency?

GOP and Toady Barr:  have you no decency?

This week’s Mueller Investigation events, as interpreted by Marty Essen: 1) Robert Mueller presents his report to Trump’s toady, William Barr. 2) Attorney General Toady takes the extensive Mueller report, ignores what might hurt Crybaby Trump, creates a four-page summary that the Crybaby and his cult can campaign on, and presents it to the House […]

Costa Rican plungers

Costa Rican plungers

Marty’s photo of the day #2831: I bet you’ve always wondered. Where do plungers come from? I solved that mystery when I found them growing in the rainforest of Costa Rica.

Bad Martyman! Bad Martyman!

Bad Martyman! Bad Martyman!

Bad Martyman! Bad Martyman! My wife, Deb, is out of town, teaching weaving classes in Oregon. Those who follow my posts know that when she is gone, Martyman and I must fend for ourselves—and that invariably means making some banana bread to stretch my otherwise uncreative cooking. Well, today I had two loaves ready to […]

Martyman investgates inside Trump’s head.

Martyman investgates inside  Trump’s head.

As a service to the American people, Martyman has volunteered to get inside Donald Trump’s head to have a look around. Let’s listen to his report: “Hmm. . . . It’s quite empty in here. No ethics, no empathy, no intelligence. And it smells like Russian prostitute pee. Wait, the dim light coming in through […]

Pon farr for snakes

Pon farr for snakes

Marty’s photo of the day #2807: When I acquired Adam and Eve, back in 2001, I selected a male and a female, because rainbow boas were supposedly difficult to breed in captivity. Needless to say, Adam and Eve didn’t read the same snake books that I did, and put that rumor to shame. This is […]

Malaysian feather snake?

Malaysian feather snake?

Marty’s photo of the day #2806: Any guess what you are looking at? Is it a Malaysian feather snake? Is it an Arctic pipe cleaner fish? Is it the Great Salt Lake monster? ˙ʇɔɐɟ ɐ pɹɐǝɥ ʇsnɾ ʇɐɥʇ uɐʍs ɹǝʇ-ʇı-dɯnɹʇ ɐ s,ʇı :ɹǝʍsuɐ

Escape from Al-dog-atraz!

Escape from Al-dog-atraz!

Marty’s photo of the day #2805: Al-dog-atraz is back! Lucy is 15 years old, and we got her at the Humane Association 13 years ago. The reason her original owners abandoned her became obvious the first time we left her alone. We came home to a house totally destroyed. Every interior screen was shredded, blood […]

If you really, really, have to pee. . . .

If you really, really, have to pee. . . .

Marty’s photo of the day #2801: This was the best sign I saw while visiting Italy. If you really, really, really have to pee—push here!

Caught in quick-mud!

Caught in quick-mud!

Marty’s photo of the day #2800: Years ago, on the first day of my first trip to the Amazon Rainforest, I learned the hard way to be careful where I stepped. I thought the mud along the Amazon River bank was hard enough to walk on. Instead, it was virtual quicksand—or more accurately, quick-mud. Nancy […]

Nancy’s new chair

Nancy’s new chair

Marty’s photo of the day #2799: When I was in Venice, Italy this past December, I saw this great chair in a shop window. I think Nancy Pelosi should sit in it for Trump’s next State of the Union Address!

Jesus would not approve!

Jesus would not approve!

News broke today that Republicans in South Carolina have introduced legislation that would make abortion in their state a felony for both women and their doctors. What would Jesus think of that? In my new novel, Time Is Irreverent 2: Jesus Christ, Not Again! Jesus time travels with Marty Mann and Nellie Dixon to the […]

Really, Sarah Huckabee Sanders?

Really, Sarah Huckabee Sanders?

Marty’s photo of the day #2791: “I think God calls all of us to fill different roles at different times and I think that he wanted Donald Trump to become president, and that’s why he’s there.”—Sarah Huckabee Sanders “And humans think we are a lesser species?”—Orangutan

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