Nature photography, political rants, and Martyman laughs from the ten-time award-winning author of "Cool Creatures, Hot Planet," "Endangered Edens," and "Time Is Irreverent."

Posts in category Humor

Fox Dog strikes again!

Fox Dog strikes again!

Marty’s photo of the day #2736: “Okay, Dad! I have carefully applied this great-smelling black stuff, and I’m ready to get back into the truck now.” (Photographed in Alberta, Canada)

Choosing the correct words

Choosing the correct words

As an author and a public speaker, I’m careful to use accurate words in professional situations. In casual situations, I’m much more prone to language misuse. Here are two recent casual examples: On the subject of humor: I mentioned, how for me, I’m most successful getting people to laugh when I use self-depreciating humor. (I […]

Sequel to Time Is Irreverent set for February!

Sequel to Time Is Irreverent set for February!

Yay! Last night—after thousands of hours of writing, entering editing, and proofing, proofing, proofing—I finished the sequel to my Amazon #1 Best Seller, Time Is Irreverent. The aptly named, Time Is Irreverent 2: Jesus Christ, Not Again! is scheduled for publication in February 2019. In Jesus Christ, Not Again! the timeline change Marty Mann and […]

A Christmas message from the Republican Jesus

A Christmas message from the Republican Jesus

Hey conservatives! Republican Jesus here. With Christmas on the way, and the possibility that you might meet a heathen, a gay, a lesbian, or an environmentalist, I want to remind you to stick to your G.O.D.S. (Yes, plural, just like it is in Genesis until we changed our minds and settled on the one god […]

How to eat banana bread like a Martyman

How to eat banana bread like a Martyman

For the next week, Deb is on a huge cruise ship, heading for Mexico, and I’m home alone. My wife, being the big weaver-lebrity she is, is one of the featured speakers/teachers on a “Weaving at Sea Cruise.” She invited me to come along, but being on a ship with two thousand other people just […]

The value of animals . . .

The value of animals . . .

Marty’s photo of the day #2711: At my college shows, I talk about the value of all animals—not only because of their value to nature, but also because of their value to humans. This moose is a great example. Obviously moose are important to the ecosystems they live in, and, also, they provide great value […]

What does Donald Trump want more than (almost) anything?

What does Donald Trump want more than (almost) anything?

Marty’s photo of the day #2708: There’s only one thing Tiny Trump wants more than dating Ivanka Trump, being best buddies with Kim Jong-un, golden showering with Vladimir Putin, and making women and minorities second class citizens—that’s defeating Montana’s Democratic Senator Jon Tester. Okay, maybe he wants to date Ivanka and shower with Vladimir a […]

What really concerns Donald Trump

What really concerns Donald Trump

Here’s what really concerns Tiny Trump’s psychopathic brain the most about the MAGA Bomber and the Tree of Life Synagogue Mass Shooter. Thursday night he said, “Now, we did have two maniacs stop a momentum that was incredible, because for seven days nobody talked about the elections. It stopped a tremendous momentum.” Upon hearing Tiny […]

All you can eat!

All you can eat!

Marty’s photo of the day #2703: “I’m tellin’ ya. A blue wave is coming through here in less than a week. Just be patient. In its wake, we’ll have all the rotten right-wing we can eat!” (Black vultures, photographed in Florida)

Occam’s razor solves the pipe bomb case!

Occam’s razor solves the pipe bomb case!

While the FBI tries to figure out who mailed the pipe bombs to Democrats, I will solve the case for them, using Occam’s razor (when presented with competing hypotheses to solve a problem, one should select the solution with the fewest assumptions).   Let’s examine the obvious clues:   1) The recipients were on Donald […]

Damn me from the past!

Damn me from the past!

Marty’s photo of the day #2685: I try to avoid posting the same photo twice, but sometimes I forget. This morning I was going through my Borneo photos and came across this frog. I did a little sharpening and a little cropping but couldn’t remember the species name. I have several identification books, but since […]

Martyman plays for Melania Trump

Martyman plays for Melania Trump

Upon hearing Melania Trump claim, “I’m the most bullied person on the world,” Martyman decided to get out the world’s smallest violin to play the world’s saddest song on her behalf. Either that or he just finished reading Stormy Daniels’ book and is trying to visualize Donald Trump’s Mushroom Mario Kart. I’m not sure which.

Brett Kavanaugh please report to . . .

Brett Kavanaugh please report to . . .

“On behalf of our nation, I would like to apologize to Brett and his family for the terrible pain and suffering that you have been forced to endure.” —Donald Treason Trump (at Brett Blackout Kavanaugh ceremonial swearing-in) “On behalf of our 65,844,954 sane American voters, I would like to apologize to the rest of the […]

Stop the vote!

Stop the vote!

Marty’s photo of the day #2676: Yes, sometimes Martyman has too much to drink and passes out in the gutter. But he never attempts to rape anyone, never sticks his dick in anyone’s face (other than that unfortunate incident with a Tasmanian devil he refuses to discuss), never starts bar fights, never rages in paranoia […]

Trump’s most famous campaign quote adjusted for accuracy

Trump’s most famous campaign quote adjusted for accuracy

As a public service, I have adjusted Donald Trump’s most famous campaign quote for accuracy. Now it makes much more sense: “When my administration sends its people, we’re not sending our best. We’re not sending you. We’re not sending you. We’re sending people that have lots of problems, and we’re bringing those problems with us. […]

Donald Trump to require Canada goose documentation

Donald Trump to require Canada goose documentation

Marty’s photo of the day #2638: So far Donald Trump hasn’t figured out how to put a tariff on Canada geese, but he recently tweeted: “No Canada goose will be allowed in Amerika without dumantasion. They’re spying for Canada. They’re eating our fish. They’re Amerikan eagle RAPISTS. And some, I assume, are good burds. Secratay […]

“I have the best people.”

“I have the best people.”

With Michael Cohen’s guilty plea and Paul Manafort’s guilty verdicts today, let’s reminisce about three of Donald Trump’s most memorable campaign promises: “I have the best people.” “I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.” “Look at those hands. Are […]

Pat Robertson had a dream. So did I.

Pat Robertson had a dream. So did I.

“God came to me in a dream last night and showed me the future. He took me to heaven, and I saw Donald Trump seated at the right hand of our Lord.”—Pat Robertson “What a coincidence! Satan came to me in a dream last night and showed me the future. He took me to hottest […]

Nobody expects the Religious Liberty Task Force!

Nobody expects the Religious Liberty Task Force!

Last night, Martyman was just relaxing with a drink, reading his favorite book, when Jeff Sessions and the Republican Jesus burst through the door and put an end to the sinful debauchery. Nobody expects the Religious Liberty Task Force!

A secret message from the Republican Jesus

A secret message from the Republican Jesus

“Psst . . . Hey, ammosexuals and fetish patriots . . . Republican Jesus here. Sorry to have to hide in your refrigerator like this, but I have a super-secret message for you that has to remain just between you and me. I know you have two major fantasies: “Your first fantasy is that you […]

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