Today is National Beer Day, and Martyman and his little cowfriend, Brett Calve-in-naugh, intend to celebrate the day to its fullest.

I’m not sure why Martyman enjoys hanging around with Brett Calve-in-naugh so much. All the cow does is moo and proclaim over-and-over in a whiny voice, “I drank beer with my friends. Almost everyone did. Sometimes I had too many beers. Sometimes others did. I liked beer. I still like beer, but I did not drink beer to the point of blacking out and I never sexually assaulted anyone.”

Well, I guess it’s good to know that no matter how hammered the two get today, their gremlin waiters won’t have to worry about being sexually assaulted by a cow.