Hi! Republican Jesus here. I just want to tell all you liberals out there to stop the Capital Gazette shooting blame game. Just because Saint Donny has proclaimed mainstream media the “enemy of the American People” and rails about them on Twitter and at his MAGA ego-enhancement rallies, it does not mean that he is in any way responsible if someone hears his words, and it becomes that little extra tap that makes a gun-toting American think going commando is his calling.
The same goes for Milo Yiannopoulos. So what if he proclaimed on Tuesday that “I can’t wait for the vigilante squads to start gunning journalists down on sight.” Besides, Milo may be a Republican, but he’s merely our token homosexual—kinda like Ben Carson is our token black. We just put up with those people because they say nice things about us, and they allow us to pretend we are inclusive.
As for the shooter, the fact that he tweeted to the Capital Gazette, “Referring to @realDonaldTrump as ‘unqualified,’ @capgaznews could end badly (again),” means nothing. That tweet happened way back in 2015, just three months after Saint Donny announced his run for president. Everyone knows that if the shooter reads newspapers, he must be a liberal!
Remember the wisdom of America’s most sacred institution, the NRA: the real reason our country has so many mass shootings is because Americans are not properly armed. Sure, every time there is a mass shooting in America gun sales rise, but come on! How many mass shootings must the NRA pave the way for in the name of freedom? You must do your duty as Americans (I know, that’s stretching it for you liberals) and make every day gun buying day!
To summarize: Saint Donny, Token Milo, and the Holy NRA cannot be held responsible for pushing an unstable person over the edge. In the end, there is only one person to blame, and we all know who he is—Obama!