The media made a big deal about Donald Trump’s meeting with Vladimir Putin lasting for 2 hours and 16 minutes, despite being scheduled for only 35 minutes. We may never know what happened behind closed doors. That’s bad. Conversely, no one can prove me wrong, when I guess what happened:

Trump: “My handlers say I have to look strong and ask if you meddled in the US election to make me the goodest brain president ever.”

Putin: “Of cooourse, not! I wouldn’t meddle in your election any more than I would use hidden cameras to film your golden shower with Russian hookers.”

Trump: “Thank you. It’s good to know you are an honest person, who I can trust with any secret.”

Putin: “Of cooourse you can trust me. . . . Russian hookers. They’re the best, eh?”

Trump: “When I tell my followers ‘I have the best people,’ they have no idea what I mean when I use the word ‘have.’” (Laughs)

Putin: “I’m glad you enjoy.” (Smiles) “If you like, we can turn down the lights and watch that little shower video together. My people digitally enhanced it, so your hands not look so small.”

Trump: “You’re such a strong leader. I wish I could be virile like you.”

Putin: “Shhhh . . . . There, there. . . . Just put your head on my shoulder. We watch video, and you tell me all your state secrets. Everything will be okay.