To understand why Republicans failed to pass their replacement for Obamacare, all you need to do is look at the Encarta Dictionary definition of conservatism: “Unwillingness or slowness to accept change or new ideas.”

Coming up with their own bill meant that Republicans had to be forward-thinking—and that’s just not in their DNA. What a pathetic existence to be so shallow that you’re only capable of holding back progress and tearing down new ideas. But that’s what conservatism is all about!

For anyone who thinks I’m being overly simplistic, remember: Republicans bitched and lied about Obamacare for more than seven years. Yet in all that time, their evolution-resistant brains were incapable of coming up with a workable replacement.